Help! How can I get my new baby to sleep through the night?!

Yay – your baby is here!!  You’re breastfeeding (or formula feeding) and life is awesome.  Then a few months go by … you love your squidgy bundle of joy, but you’re starting to feel it and you’re getting tired.  Then maternity leave ends … now these middle of the night feedings are taking their toll.  What’s a mother to do?

How to get your baby to sleep through the night

This is the story of how I eliminated nighttime feedings with my son.  While I could’ve done this sooner, I got him sleeping through the night at 5 months old (I went back to work when he was 3 months old).  I consulted my pediatrician and did a bunch of research (via books & internet) and this is what worked for us.  Recognize that every baby is different, but in general – they are physically capable of sleeping through the night at anywhere from 3-5 months (it will come down to your emotional strength as a mother – you’ll see what I mean below). 

General information, tips & advice (from articles I read and my personal experience):

•           Per my pediatrician, when babies are 11-12 lbs their tummies are physically large enough to hold enough food for them to be content through the night. (It is important to note that “through the night” generally means your baby will sleep a solid 6-8+ hours).  That is why you will often hear people say “mine started sleeping through the night at 2-3 months” (depending on the size of their baby).  Your baby should be getting approximately 2 oz per every pound they weigh of milk (whether BM or formula) per day – so if you have a 20 lb baby, they should be getting roughly 40 oz of milk per day.  This will decrease slightly as you introduce solid foods as nutrients will be consumed through the food; however your baby should consistently be getting approx. 24-32 oz per day even with food to maintain good bone/brain development.  Lastly, babies of this age should be getting approx. 14 hours total sleep throughout the day/night.
•           Babies often follow routines – either set by parents/daycare or they set them themselves.  When trying to alter baby’s routine, you should make gradual changes and not try to change multiple things at once.  A good example is – you may notice results following the recommended steps below; however perhaps on the weekend your baby’s schedule is different from the schedule he/she follows at daycare – during the weekend you may notice relapses in your progress.  This is because you’ve tried to change too much all at once.  While trying to get your baby to sleep through the night, try to keep the rest of his/her daily routine as on point as possible (i.e. if you’re planning a trip or an outing sometime soon, maybe wait until that has passed to try changing this aspect of his/her daily routine).  Personally, we try to keep Bryce’s schedule at home on the weekend (in terms of feedings/naps) within a one hour window of when they do it at daycare – it keeps him happier and come Monday he doesn’t fuss at school when things are changed.
•           If you’re breastfeeding, I found the following to be helpful as you try these steps: (1) baby needs to sleep in his/her own bed, in his/her own room – this is for multiple reasons, but the primary ones being (a) when you lactate in the middle of the night (i.e. leak) – baby can smell the milk and automatically assumes it’s time to wake up & eat and (b) most babies (of course every baby is different) are somewhat fitful sleepers – a baby’s REM cycle can be drastically different from an adults and they tend to sleep more towards semi-wakefulness than adults do; by limiting the amount of distractions by putting baby in his/her room (i.e. you won’t hear him/her roll over – he/she won’t hear you roll over) you increase the likelihood of baby enjoying uninterrupted, deeper sleep (and you too!) – not to mention, you’re able to increase intimate time with daddy (which is a pleasant perk) ;).   (2) when trying the steps below (as much as it sucks) – get out of bed to feed baby, go into baby’s room and sit in the rocking chair or glider to feed the baby.  Make sure baby stays awake for a complete feeding (15-30 minutes) and then put baby back to bed immediately and go back to your own bed.  Personal experience: we would start Bryce out in his bed and when he woke up (2-3x a night depending) I would go get him, pop him on the boob and come back to bed; what I came to find as I followed the steps below was that he was just “topping of his tank” (i.e. taking a few large mouthfuls and going back to sleep) – he was nursing more for comfort than nutritional value (and because it had become part of his “routine” to wake up & eat at that time).
•           If your baby is 6 months old and you haven’t established a baby food routine (i.e. your just experimenting here or there) – establish that first.  Get baby consistently eating baby food for 3 meals a day, plus milk and then attempt to make the change.  At 6 months – each meal should consist of roughly ¼ cup cereal/oatmeal (we did oatmeal), ½ tub of baby food and 4 oz bottle of milk (including whatever milk you stir into the food) (morning & afternoon snacks should be able half that amount of food, same amount of milk).
•           Never wake baby up to eat, only respond to baby.  Maintaining the cycle of nighttime feeding is counterproductive to getting baby to sleep through the night.  Also, if you haven’t already – don’t change baby at night unless baby has gone poop or is excessively damp.  An obvious tip – keep lighting very dim or none at all.  The less you disturb baby, the better. 

Ok – so now to the process, lol – if you follow the steps below you should be able to wean your baby of nighttime feedings within 1-2 weeks (depending on how you proceed):

Step 1: Observe routine: unless your baby already has a set routine of times they wake up, for the first day or two observe your baby: what times do they wake up, how many ounces do they eat at each nightly feeding (for breastfeeding: how long is baby “actively” nursing – not just suckling a mouthful here or there – yes, you’ll need to stay awake for this process).  If baby is being sporadic (i.e. sleeping through the night and then randomly not) – it’s probably one of two things: (1) baby is going through a growth spurt (should last anywhere from 2-5 days) or (2) something else in baby’s routine has recently been changed and baby is still adjusting.  If the wakefulness is sporadic (especially if it’s a growth spurt): respond to baby’s needs, but after a few nights make an effort to return to the routine of sleeping through the night so baby doesn’t get “used” to waking up to eat in the middle of the night again.

Step 2: Decrease ounces per feeding: Now that you know when you’re baby wakes up and how much he eats – it’s time to “wean” him off the nighttime feedings.  IMPORTANT NOTE: per my tip above, baby should be getting anywhere from 24-40 oz of milk per day – if he’s already getting that much during the day, then you don’t need to be as observant about eliminating nighttime feedings; however if baby is a finicky eater during the day and tends to chow down at night, you will need to be hyper observant during the day (ask for reports from daycare if necessary) – baby’s ounce intake per feeding should increase during the day as you eliminate nighttime feedings (you’re “shifting” baby’s eating schedule).  If your baby generally eats 4 oz per nighttime feeding, reduce the amount to 3 oz on the first night, then 2 oz on the second & third nights and then 1 oz on the fourth & fifth night (if you’re breastfeeding, reduce the number of minutes you feed – go from 20 min to 15 min to 10 min).  As you decrease the number of ounces, the number of nighttime feedings should naturally decrease (i.e. if he’s waking up 2-3x a night, hopefully one nighttime feeding will automatically take care of itself).

Step 3: Eliminate feedings (this is the most difficult step): After you’ve gotten your baby down to approx. an ounce of milk for his/her nighttime feeding (or approx. 5-10 min on the breast), it’s time to eliminate the nighttime feedings altogether.  If baby is still waking up 2-3x per night, eliminate one nighttime feeding at a time (usually eliminate this feeding for approx. 2 days then begin trying to eliminate another).  If baby wakes up 3x per night, eliminate the first and last feedings first – then the feeding in the middle of the night.  Here comes the hard part: baby will continue to wake up (remember, it’s still part of his/her routine) – you’ve already established he/she doesn’t really “need” anything (because you’ve gotten him/her down to hardly any milk); ignore baby for 5-10 minutes (if crying persists past 10 min, get up – feed baby the ounce you’ve gotten down to and try again the next night).  This may last for 2-5 nights, but eventually baby will realize (a) he/she doesn’t need to wake up and (b) he/she doesn’t want to.

I won’t lie to you – this was, to date, the hardest thing I’ve had to do as a mother – ignore my crying child; however it is important for baby to get a good quality of sleep (and for mommy, lol) – so by getting through this, we’ve both been better for it.  I haven’t researched if there’s any evidence of it, but I would tend the think the older baby gets, the more difficult it is to “shake up” their routine (like when moms try to wean babies from pacifiers or bottles).  Also, when baby transitions to the 1 year old room at daycare, they only take one two hour nap a day, so it’s important to get baby sleeping through the night so he/she gets enough “overall” sleep throughout the day (they continue to need 10-12 hours a day at 1).  Other moms have recommended a bedtime routine to help – I’m sure that works for some moms, honestly we have no routine (though we do try to eat dinner around the same time every night) and Bryce naturally puts himself to bed between 8-9 pm.  We do actively play with him from the time we get home (6:30pm) until dinner (7:30-7:45pm) and then we calm down.

I wish you all the best of luck with this – know it won’t be easy, but you’ll both be better for it on the other side.  Also, I hope what I wrote didn’t offend anybody – this is just the route our family went and it worked for us.  Every baby (and every family) is different and has to find what works for them.  If you have suggestions on how to get baby to sleep through the night - let me know below!  Also, if you try this method, let me know how it works for you!

Main reason I had issues initially getting my son to sleep through the night (I went back to sleep too!)

The Cash Challenge

In this modern world of debit and credit cards (not to mention online shopping!) - paying with cash has kind of become taboo.  I've even noticed in line at the grocery store people huffing because the person in front of them is paying with cash and it takes longer, cashier has to verify and give change, etc.  BUT - can you SAVE money if you just use cash?

Honestly, you could probably stop reading right here and have your answer.  YES, I could save money if I only used cash.  Why?  Well (a) I can't buy anything on the internet using cash and (b) when I'm forced to actually hand over my hard earned money, I think about the transaction a bit more than when I swipe my debit card.  And all of us know swiping our credit card equates to spending money that was never really ours in the first place.  Turns out there have been studies that show we're willing to spend a lot more when we use our cards versus cash - up to 100% more!

So what is the cash challenge?  Roughly analyze your spending habits (or what you "think" they are) and at the beginning of the month take out that amount of money from an ATM in cash.  For example, if you spend $500 a month (not including things like mortgage, utilities or other bills you pay online) then take our $500 in cash.  Now here comes the trick - you have to make this amount last for the month.  At the gas station, out to dinner, at the grocery store, for daily lunch or coffee ... all of that extra discretionary spending.  Do you think you'd make it to the end of the month?

Personally, I know I would not.  I have a love for Amazon.com and all other sorts of online shopping.  However, it is a goal of mine to save to contribute towards household projects so I am going to propose the cash challenge to my husband for October.  As a side note, I actually do track all of our spending in Quickbooks software and break it down by category (hey, I'm a type A accountant - don't judge) so I will be super anal about collecting receipts during this process.

How the challenge actually works:

• Take out your monthly discretionary spending amount at the beginning of the month and put it in an envelope in your desk drawer or some other safe space.  Also place a pen & notebook nearby.
• Everyday (or however often you need to), take out an amount of cash.  Use the notebook as a type of check register - write down the beginning balance (ex: $500) and how much you took out.  For extra information (to see how bad your spending habits really are) write down what you intend to use the money for - then at the end of the day, revisit the notebook and write down what you REALLY spent the money on.
• See if you make it until the end of the month.

Not only will this help have more respect for your money - if you're really hoping to save, this is a great first step because it will show you your money may not go as far as you think it does (especially if you've been supplementing your spending with credit).

Give it a try - then come back here and let me know how it went for you.  Or if you've already tried the cash challenge, how did it work for you and what did you learn?

Should you pay your child for good grades?

A few years back there was an article in USA Today about school systems providing monetary rewards for kids who do well in school (and on tests ...).

My personal experience growing up is that we were paid for good grades (like $5 for every A or something like that); however as I grew up I realized this system of reward could also be skewed (for example: I got a B in AP Bio while my sister got an A in the lowest level science class - she got $5 and I did not).

I haven't thought about this issue yet and what I'll do about it - after all, my son is only almost 2.  However, after reading a few blog posts lately on the topic I do have some thoughts and I'm curious to see what yours are as well.  At the end of the day, what I desire most is for my son to have a genuine passion for learning - I don't want to have to bribe him to get up and go to school and do well just for some monetary reward on the back end, I want him to get joy from the educational experience.

We make learning activities fun at our house - when we're practicing counting or our letters, often times snacks are involved (how many grapes do I have?).  I'm hoping to instill in my son at a young age, a joy for learning - a curiosity to be sated through books & education.  Will I reward him for a job well done in school?  More than likely.  Will I promise him on the front end of a school year that good grades will equal rewards?  Probably not.  I would prefer for him to make the association that hard work in turn equals rewards since this is how the real world works (good employees earn raises and promotions, they aren't promised them when they're hired).  I also think I will reward him in other ways aside from money - if he does really well in school perhaps we'll take a trip to some foreign country as a family where we can have fun and learn about other cultures.  If he does really well on a test, perhaps when he asks for something on one of our shopping trips out, I'll agree and say something to the effect of "you've done so well in school this week, I'm really proud of you - if you want that toy, I'll buy it for you".

I guess my conclusion on the whole matter is - I believe children should be rewarded for performance well done, I'm just not sure I agree with the whole approach of cash payments for good grades.  What are your thoughts on this matter?

Disclaimer: this post is purely my opinion and is not meant to offend any one in any way.  If you choose to comment on this post, please do so respectfully.

Daily Deals and WFH Pages No Longer Available

You may have noticed I have removed a few pages from the blog site.  This is so I can devote more of my time to blogging about things that may interest you as well as finding neat contests to add to our win page.  The work from home and daily deals pages were not generating a lot of buzz so I've decided to forgo them.  Please understand that I work full time on top of writing/maintaining this blog and I want to ensure that my followers are receiving good content in a timely fashion.  If you have any questions or want to know what sites I was using to populate those pages, please comment below and I will respond.  Thanks for understanding!

Being all things all the time

Recently I read this great post by fellow blogger Emily Bennington on her blog Daily Worth: Having it all doesn't mean doing it all and, as a working mother, I felt better after reading it.

For some reason, when I became a mother (or better yet when I was mostly just pregnant) - I thought I could really "have it all".  I thought I could just return to my career and continue to excel and move up the chain all the while having my new son at home where I could enjoy him every moment I wasn't at work.

Well my son came and he and I had 12 wonderful weeks to bond, then it was back to work - as a professional accountant working in a top 4 public firm, that meant a lot of OT.  Returning to work in mid-Jan was also poor timing as this is when accounting firms are often the busiest.  Needless to say, the first few weeks at work were horrible for me. 

I was lucky in the sense that my mother-in-law (MIL) was watching my son instead of me enrolling him in traditional daycare - she would show up at my house shortly before it was time for me to go to work and hangout for a bit before loading up my son and going to her place (about 40 min away).  However, working 8:30 am - 8:30 pm can quickly drain a person - let alone the mother of a newborn.  My work had lactation rooms so about 3-4 times a day, I would take a 20 minute pumping break, but even this didn't allow me to keep up with my son's demand.  He was exclusively breastfed (EBF) for 4 months and then we had to start supplementing with formula.  By 7 months, I just wasn't keeping up with him and we decided to wean.

Getting off at 8:30 pm and not getting home until 9-9:15 pm meant zero face time with my son aside from middle of the night and early morning feedings.  I was a mess - some nights I would drive home just crying because I had realized - I really couldn't have it all (granted, fading pregnancy hormones also probably played a role in this).  I couldn't' be this perfect employee and a perfect mother, I just couldn't.

Now my son is 22 months old.  I have a different job in the private sector - still demanding, still with peak times where occasional overtime is required, but nothing like where I was before.  My son attends traditional daycare with loads of other kids.  My life is -slowly- reaching a balance.  I can't spend every moment with my son, but I can make the most of the moments we have.  For the most part, I am his from the time we get home until the time he goes to sleep - granted, there are days when I give him a snack, curl up on the couch in front of the TV and let him run around with his toys, but for the most part - I'm engaged with him in the evenings, that's our time together.

Now I just need to try to find a balance to include: (1) time for me; (2) time for my husband & I as a couple and (3) time for my friends ...

I'm slowly working on (1) & (2) - hubs & I spend at least 30 minutes hanging out and talking - catching up on the nights he's not working and I'm getting back into my hobbies - blogging, reading, cooking new things.  Hubs & I have also committed to one child-free vacation a year.  Number (3) is going to take some time I think, but that's because so many of my friends just aren't at the "kid" stage yet.  I need to realize it's ok to occasionally hire a babysitter and go for a girl's night out - and I'm working on that.  I guess at the end of the day, my son has become one of my best friends - and I'm ok with that too.

How do you "handle it all"?

What mom's really want!

If you're anything like me - you're constantly trying to find the balance between work and family life.  There are at least 10x a week when I have the thought "gee I wish I could work part time".  Between keeping house, laundry, meals - not to mention actually interacting with my family ON TOP of a 40 hour work week - well yea, I go to bed about an hour after my 2 year old every night.  I'm not "really" complaining - it's my life, I chose it.  I do, however, wish there were alternatives.  The truth is to maintain our standard of living, currently I am required to work full time and I have to make my family life work with that.  Someday I hope to be able to establish my own business where I can control the amount of income I make as well as the hours I devote to it - but that day remains in the future.  Huffington Post featured an article titled What Mothers Really Want: To Opt In Between and in it they cite a Hulafrog study that is basically spot on with my feelings regarding work/life balance.  I am posting the inforgraphic below.  I'm curious to see where others stand on this issue - let me know your thoughts!