Car seat safety: how long should my child be rear facing?

This is a question that comes with a lot of parental opinions.  I know moms whose 1 year olds are forward facing and I know moms whose 5 year olds are rear facing.  I was fortunate enough to have a friend who linked me up with some great resources regarding car seat safety and the safety of my son.

My story: When my son was born we had the Graco Snugride car seat (great seat!) - however, we bought this seat used off Craigslist which I later learned was a big no no.  His convertible seat was bought new online - a Britax Marathon (great seat, I love it) - however, I later learned that Britax seats are best for children under the 30% for height for rear facing.  The reason being that in rear facing mode the straps need to come from below the child's shoulders and you should have an inch of shell remaining above the top of the head - never going to happen for my kid.  When my son was about 14 months old, I went ahead and flipped him front facing - he seemed to enjoy being able to see & interact with me more.  At 21 months (after all I have learned), I returned him to rear facing and plan to keep him that way as long as possible (preferably to age 4).  I just ordered him a Diono Radian RXT car seat to accomplish this.

Instead of trying to explain the many reasons why rear facing is preferable to front facing, I will show you this simple YouTube video by way of explanation:

Now, you may be asking yourself: ok - yes, rear facing is safer, but how long do I need to do it?  Well, if I'm honest - the US is a bit behind a lot of other countries in this regard.  The AAP just recently revised their opinion that you should rear face a child until a minimum of age 2; however the consensus among car seat technicians (and our friends across the pond) seems to be age 4 as this is when spinal ossification occurs.  The older your child is when you decide to forward face, the better - your child's body is more proportional the older they get (whereas with babies through age 2/3 most people notice that their children appear to have "large" heads - i.e. their head is not proportional to the rest of their body).

Now - here is the real reason I wrote this post.  A lot of parents tend to complain, "oh I can't see my child", or "oh, my child is uncomfortable with their legs all squished up".  This is simply not true - small children are super bendy and are perfectly comfortable riding rear facing.  Car Seats for the Littles recently put out this great article: Rear Facing Car Seat Myths Busted.  I highly recommend you give it a read.

What are your opinions are rear facing vs forward facing in a car seat?

Other informative links:

• Rear Facing Car Seats Until 4? by Theresa Giarrusso (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)
• Rear Facing Car Seats Safest For Kids Up to Age 4 by Dan Childs (ABC News)
• Advise use of rear facing child car seats for children under 4 years old by Elizabeth Watson (BMJ Publishing)
• New AAP Car Seat Safety Guidelines: Rear-Facing Until Age 2 by Sasha Emmons (Parenting Magazine)

See our other posts on car seat safety:

• More Car Seat Tips
• Car Seat Safety

My son is his Britax Marathon - rear facing.  Approx. 33 in & 26 lbs

The Cash Challenge

In this modern world of debit and credit cards (not to mention online shopping!) - paying with cash has kind of become taboo.  I've even noticed in line at the grocery store people huffing because the person in front of them is paying with cash and it takes longer, cashier has to verify and give change, etc.  BUT - can you SAVE money if you just use cash?

Honestly, you could probably stop reading right here and have your answer.  YES, I could save money if I only used cash.  Why?  Well (a) I can't buy anything on the internet using cash and (b) when I'm forced to actually hand over my hard earned money, I think about the transaction a bit more than when I swipe my debit card.  And all of us know swiping our credit card equates to spending money that was never really ours in the first place.  Turns out there have been studies that show we're willing to spend a lot more when we use our cards versus cash - up to 100% more!

So what is the cash challenge?  Roughly analyze your spending habits (or what you "think" they are) and at the beginning of the month take out that amount of money from an ATM in cash.  For example, if you spend $500 a month (not including things like mortgage, utilities or other bills you pay online) then take our $500 in cash.  Now here comes the trick - you have to make this amount last for the month.  At the gas station, out to dinner, at the grocery store, for daily lunch or coffee ... all of that extra discretionary spending.  Do you think you'd make it to the end of the month?

Personally, I know I would not.  I have a love for Amazon.com and all other sorts of online shopping.  However, it is a goal of mine to save to contribute towards household projects so I am going to propose the cash challenge to my husband for October.  As a side note, I actually do track all of our spending in Quickbooks software and break it down by category (hey, I'm a type A accountant - don't judge) so I will be super anal about collecting receipts during this process.

How the challenge actually works:

• Take out your monthly discretionary spending amount at the beginning of the month and put it in an envelope in your desk drawer or some other safe space.  Also place a pen & notebook nearby.
• Everyday (or however often you need to), take out an amount of cash.  Use the notebook as a type of check register - write down the beginning balance (ex: $500) and how much you took out.  For extra information (to see how bad your spending habits really are) write down what you intend to use the money for - then at the end of the day, revisit the notebook and write down what you REALLY spent the money on.
• See if you make it until the end of the month.

Not only will this help have more respect for your money - if you're really hoping to save, this is a great first step because it will show you your money may not go as far as you think it does (especially if you've been supplementing your spending with credit).

Give it a try - then come back here and let me know how it went for you.  Or if you've already tried the cash challenge, how did it work for you and what did you learn?

Ladies: how many bras do you really need?

Ok I realize I'm the exception and not the norm, but I kind of only own one bra at a time and then replace.  My bra gets washed once a week and I work a normal desk job (so not a lot of sweating going on).  Basically the minute I get home, the darn thing is off and I'm in a comfy tee and some shorts.  Now I may be kind of a hippie, but I don't like bras.  I mean - we all have breasts, what's the big deal?  After the birth of my son, I got even more blase about it because (let's face it) those girls are never going back to their prim & proper state after breastfeeding.

After reading some recent articles it seems the norm is five bras:

• One "fun" bra
• Two everyday bras - most common colors nude & black
• One convertible/strapless bra
• One sports bra

However, it would appear that on average at any give time women can own up to 16 bras at a time and buy about 4 new bras a year.  Apparently we'll spend roughly $4,000 in our lifetime on (you guessed it) bras!

Back to the above list - to be fair, I do own a sports bra and a nursing bra, but I don't own a single strapless bra.  Underwires are so uncomfortable to me.  Can you tell I'm a tshirt and flip flops kind of girl?  I don't much care for high heels either (especially chasing my  2 year old around ...).

How many bras do you own?  Any advice for me to expand my collection?

Remembering the tragedy of 9/11

Throughout history there have been several horrific events, we learn about them in history class all the time.  However, up until I hit 11th grade - I'd only lived through one or two - and had no memory of either.  As I sat in my mid-morning calculus class, it was just any other day in the life of a typical high school student, I was struggling to understand what the heck my teacher was talking about when another teacher came in and very quietly spoke to our teacher (Ms. Jones - yes, I still remember her name as well).  Ms. Jones went over to the class TV and turned on CNN and said we were done with class for the day as there was an emergency situation.

Now you have to understand - I was born in the '80's ... the Cold War was over, I had never lived through a real "war" - yes, there was Desert Storm in the early '90's, but that was a foreign conflict fought overseas.  I had never been directly impacted by a violent situation within our borders.  I had never even had the bomb training at school my parents had (where you hide under your desk).

When the news came up and showed a combination of live footage and flashback footage of the planes hitting the towers all I could think was - "this has got to be a trailer for an upcoming movie or something".  I had never (and have never since then) seen anything like it.  It has totally put other things in perspective for me in relation to my family members - my dad was in the Navy during Vietnam, my grandmother was alive during the Great Depression and WWII ... when they tell me about those times, all they ever were to me was stories.  Sad stories to be sure that we should learn life lessons from, but stories all the same.

But this - I lived through this.  I lived through something that will show up in every history book written from 2002 forward.  It's crazy.  Someday my son will go to school and he will learn about that tragic day and I'll tell him where I was and how I felt - scared.  I was scared - scared for myself, for my family - for all the people in New York who I didn't even know.  But I was also proud - proud of the way we as a people came together and helped one another.  First responders rushed in (and many died) trying to help their fellow man - going above and beyond the call of duty.

No matter how you feel about the political actions that followed the tragic events of 9/11 - this will always be a day of remembrance for every American who was alive and watching the news that day.  Whether you were directly impacted or not, that day solicited strong emotions in us all and I believe it's important to reflect back and remember where you were and how you felt.

Where were you on 9/11 and what emotions were you going through?

Should you pay your child for good grades?

A few years back there was an article in USA Today about school systems providing monetary rewards for kids who do well in school (and on tests ...).

My personal experience growing up is that we were paid for good grades (like $5 for every A or something like that); however as I grew up I realized this system of reward could also be skewed (for example: I got a B in AP Bio while my sister got an A in the lowest level science class - she got $5 and I did not).

I haven't thought about this issue yet and what I'll do about it - after all, my son is only almost 2.  However, after reading a few blog posts lately on the topic I do have some thoughts and I'm curious to see what yours are as well.  At the end of the day, what I desire most is for my son to have a genuine passion for learning - I don't want to have to bribe him to get up and go to school and do well just for some monetary reward on the back end, I want him to get joy from the educational experience.

We make learning activities fun at our house - when we're practicing counting or our letters, often times snacks are involved (how many grapes do I have?).  I'm hoping to instill in my son at a young age, a joy for learning - a curiosity to be sated through books & education.  Will I reward him for a job well done in school?  More than likely.  Will I promise him on the front end of a school year that good grades will equal rewards?  Probably not.  I would prefer for him to make the association that hard work in turn equals rewards since this is how the real world works (good employees earn raises and promotions, they aren't promised them when they're hired).  I also think I will reward him in other ways aside from money - if he does really well in school perhaps we'll take a trip to some foreign country as a family where we can have fun and learn about other cultures.  If he does really well on a test, perhaps when he asks for something on one of our shopping trips out, I'll agree and say something to the effect of "you've done so well in school this week, I'm really proud of you - if you want that toy, I'll buy it for you".

I guess my conclusion on the whole matter is - I believe children should be rewarded for performance well done, I'm just not sure I agree with the whole approach of cash payments for good grades.  What are your thoughts on this matter?

Disclaimer: this post is purely my opinion and is not meant to offend any one in any way.  If you choose to comment on this post, please do so respectfully.

What your child can teach you about happiness

This is one of the BEST articles I've seen in a long time: 18 Things Children Can Teach Us About Happiness by Melissa Sher.

Reading this truly touched my heart because I see all these traits in my 2 year old son Bryce (except maybe the ones about sleeping - the kid almost never willingly wants to sleep).

This article brought to mind one particular event with my son, one day he was out playing in the backyard when I was indoors doing (what else) some light cleaning (read: picking up my toddlers mess ... again!).  I hadn't noticed that it hard started to rain (but we live in Florida, so that happens a lot) when suddenly I heard giggles coming from the back yard.  When I went to investigate, all I could do was smile.  I quickly ran back inside and grabbed my camera to snap a few shots - my son was outside, fully dressed - dancing and playing in the rain (with genuine delight!).  Up to this point, I thought he hated cold water (he's not a huge fan of his sprinkler we bought him) so I was delighted and surprised myself.  I stood there for several minutes, not making him aware of my presence and just watched him with tears welling in my eyes - "he's growing up" I told myself "don't ever forget these small moments".

Children truly help remind us about what's important: the moment.  You never know if the next one is going to come or the one after that.  Sure we can plan for the future (believe me, I'm a very type-A planner), but we can't guarantee the future is going to turn out exactly as we had planned - that's part of what makes life so fun - the what-if factor.

What's a memory of your child that brought you happiness or reminded you why children are so wonderful?

Bryce playing in the rain:

 

Gender neutrality - thoughts?

This is a subject I've come across many times during my research as a parent.

Here are some great articles in case you're not 100% up to speed on "gender neutrality" and Gender Neutral Parenting (GNP):

• 5 Myths About Gender Neutral Parenting by Paige Lucas-Stannard
• Can you really raise a genderless child? by Anna North
• Honest thoughts on my son playing with "girls toys" by Joe DeProspero

If you haven't heard the concept before, in general - GNP refers to raising you children without strict gender roles (i.e. if you son wants to wear pink or your daughter wants to dress up like Superman, you're ok with it).

There are more and more times since my son was born that I'm grateful for the time that I live in.  Gays no longer have to hide who they truly are, we're free to love amongst the races and there is more open-mindedness and acceptance for people of all walks of life.  This is the world I always wanted for my son.  My only wish for my son is his happiness - whatever walk of life he chooses, I just want him to be happy.  He'll have my love regardless, that after all, is unconditional.

I am a proponent of GNP, but not stringently so (like the couple in Anna North's piece above).  My son routinely plays with my purses, clothes, shoes & makeup.  Let's be real here: he's only 2.  He sees mommy using it and he's curious.  I don't believe for a second that my son exploring and playing with these items is going to fundamentally alter who he is as a person. 

When my husband & I decide to conceive another child, I'm going to purposely buy my son a doll (and probably a play crib and stroller) - why you may ask?  So that he can adjust to the new baby in our lives by doing what mommy & daddy do - feeding the baby, walking the baby and putting the baby to sleep.  If anything, should some of this experience stick with him subconsciously, I'd like to think it will someday contribute to him being a good father for his own children.

In general, I really don't define toys as for one gender or another.  Do I purposely buy my son dolls?  No.  Does he play with them at school?  Yes.  Does this bother me?  No.  If we happened to be at the store, and he communicated to me that he wanted a doll - would I buy him one?  More than likely.  The only way my son will ever grow and learn and become who he is truly meant to become is by exploring all of the options available to him - and I want that for him, I want him to discover what he truly loves and commit to those things with a passion that will bring his life happiness.

What are your thoughts on Gender Neutral Parenting (GNP)?  Do you think gender stereotypes will ever truly disappear?  Should they? 

Disclaimer: this post is purely my opinion and is not meant to offend any one in any way.  If you choose to comment on this post, please do so respectfully.